veritasaequitas's Blog

Job interview... rejection

Had a group job interview today.  Didn't get the job.  I'm not happy about this.  Enough said.  A shitty night at work didn't help either.  I'm fucking exhausted right now.  I'm getting really fucking sick of people in general nowadays.  I'm feeling a little like Dr. Manhattan right now.  "I'm tired of earth.  These people.  I am tired of being caught in the tangle of their lives."  I'm feeling little connection to anything or anyone right now.  I don't know what I want, and I'm so detached I'm not sure how friendship for anyone exists anymore.  It seems like the only time anyone wants to be around anyone is if they have something to gain, so seeing two males out together just to hang out seems foreign.  It seems like I'm always on the outside.  I don't know what I should be feeling now.  Should I feel lonely now?  Do people do things together just for the sake of being with that person?  I can't figure this out for the life of me.  

First Refereed Hockey Game in over a decade

Good times tonight.  As stated, I played my first game with a league I joined.  Went pretty well.  This was my first game with a ref in over ten years, and I must say it feels good to be back.  I didn't make any monstrous mistakes, my plus minus was at 0, and I was able to set up a couple plays.  I also managed to get a decent shot on goal off of a rebound.  Mind you this is just C league, so it's not very competitive, but it was fun to say the least.  I've been playing pick up and was talked into joining the league by one of the rink managers after a session.  I'm feeling a bit like Rocky Balboa in his most recent film where he boxes for the first time in forever despite being an old fart, and even though he lost, he got something back.  I feel like I got a small piece of myself back tonight that I haven't had in a long time.  It's something to look forward to other than the same day to day bullshit I've been dealing with for over a decade now.  
Not much else to babble on about.  

A Visit at work from an old asshole...

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Guardians of the Galaxy

Went and saw guardians of the galaxy tonight.  The whole talking raccoon thing was kind of a deterrent when I was first seeing the trailers, but it actually turned out to be a fantastic movie.  The visuals were awesome, with a bunch of crazy aliens and species of aliens running around.  From a biological and anthropological standpoint it was vastly inaccurate (raccoons don't have the ability to produce human speech, and the odds of aliens in a galaxy far away from ours speaking english and other humans biologically identical to earth humans on other planets far from ours is based on my understanding next to impossible), but it's fiction so it doesn't have to be.  I will say I was also a little disappointed with Groots vocabulary, which was limited to "I am Groot," but despite this he was a likable character.  I was hoping given his appearance he would have more of a Dr. Manhattan vibe to him, instead of the three word vocabulary and quite dopey behavior he displays in the movie.  However, it was still a great movie, and worth checking out if you're into the science fiction stuff.

Finding myself extremely attracted to a girl I'm working with.  But I'm doing my best to not get my hopes up, because I already know it's not happening.  Frustrating beyond belief yes, but I gurantee this girl is taken and I'm not interested in getting crushed again.  This is why I gave up on the situation 5 years ago.  I'm just grateful she's actually nice to me, compared to most girls that look as half as good as she does that treat me like I'm the fucking plague.  Whatever.  

Car brakes, 630 bucks... ugh

Got my car back today after about 5 days because my damn brakes quit on me again.  630 dollars to fix.  I'm not too please about this.  Only missed one day of work luckily.  
Life is dragging on.  I'm still working two jobs, and it's pretty much the SSDD situation.  No friends or girlfriends to pester me, just work, home, blah blah blah.  It's nice to be graduated, but every day that passes, the more I'm kind of feeling cheated from my high school and college years.  They're over, I can't get them back, and I missed out on a lot of experiences that I should have learned and developed from but didn't.  Part of me feels behind, and I'm not sure if I'm still viewed as a stupid kid anymore or not at 25.  For instance, I'm at work, and one of my work mates was asking me if I was married.  I responded no obviously, but I don't know if I'm supposed to be married now, or if I'm supposed to be still screwing around and meeting people or what the deal is.  All the lines are getting blurred and I'm still kind of stuck in my high school and college years because I didn't really live them.  I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling now.  
Been relapsing on Mushroomhead lately, due mostly to my favorite misheard lyric from them.  The actual lyric is "look back with resentment" but I heard it as "the wrath of the sandman" when I was listening to it a long time ago.  
Ideas for a sequel to my unpublished book have been flooding my mind lately.  The problem with the ideas is that they're not adding up to a plot, but just some new creatures, some potential character development, and ideas for good scenes so to speak.  Haven't written anything down yet but I'm not sure if I should try to get the first one published first before screwing with a new one or if I should just start writing again.  

Won't be going to any bars again any time soon

Stopped by a local bar after work tonight to see if my sister needed a ride.  It was a relatively terrifying experience.  I'm walking through hunting my sister down, and eventually gave up and sat at the bar.  She was spotted at the register and I went over to greet her, but she didn't need the ride because she was going to be way later.  Went back to the bar and finished my coke and left.  I was literally terrified with all the people around, most of them looking close to my age.  I'm feeling a little defeated I'll admit.  I have this serious inability to connect with anyone, and I haven't felt my agoraphobia this bad in awhile.  Is this normal?  
Overheard a conversation going on right next to me.  A girl approaches a guy and they start chatting.  This again, seems very abnormal for me, as this happens to me really never, except for the one exception detailed in two of my previous blogs.  Eventually the guy is invited over to the girls table.  Again, this seems like a very abnormal event for me.  I've been told that I have a don't approach me vibe by a stranger a few years ago.  Not sure if this is true or not.  Whatever.  I'm better off on my own anyway.  

Haven't been blogging much

Been busy as hell.  The hours at both of my jobs have increased drastically so it feels kind of non stop lately.  50 hours plus most weeks.  However, I have a shit load of student loans to pay off and money is good.  Actually have my degree in hand however, and it's a little weird not having next sememter coming up.  It's all kind of a blank slate from here on out.  Not sure what else to do but work my ass off to pay off my loans and my rising credit card debt from being unemployed for 4 months.  I'm not that deep with the credit cards, nothing that can't be paid off relatively quickly with a real job, but yeah, it's up there.  
Not sure what lies ahead.  I'm not worried per se, but it's just weird not knowing exactly what's next.  Not to mention I don't have any friends to bounce ideas off of.  Although I had a tarot reading done recently saying that a girl was going to approach me that would seem unobtainable, a relationship would ensue, and she would help me with this (if you believe such things, I do but I understand if you think I'm a whackjob).  I think the girl approached me, but given my fuck everyone instinct, not to mention the lack of clarity as to who she was saying hello to, I basically non-verbally told her to fuck off, which was the plan anyway because of the last girl that approached me in a bar that gave me her number but never answered (I had already given up on that aspect of life then).  I had my next class with her as well, and as she was walking out, she was glaring at me like she wanted to decapitate me and feed my body to a pack of wild dogs.  I don't know.  Don't really care at this point.  She was gorgeous, graduated cum laude, and could do way better than me.  There was another guy in these classes that she spent a lot of time with as well and I didn't want to infringe on his chances either, provided he was even interested and not in the friend zone or whatever.  
  I think the lack of social contact might be fucking me up a bit however.  I don't understand friendship so well anymore, and it doesn't seem like it exists anymore.  It seems like the only reason people socialize is for their own personal gain, and actually liking someone as a friend isn't real.  It's been a foreign idea for me for a long time and I don't know if I'm confused or fucked up or what my deal is, but the lines are starting to blur.  The entirerty of the last 11 years of my life have felt kind of unfulfilled.  I definitely missed out on a lot, but what pisses me off is that there wasn't anything I could do.  To a degree it was kind of taken from me unwillingly, because noone gave a flying fuck I existed.  
Ugh, yeah let's just leave it at that. 

College Years Wrapping Up

So I attended my last class of my college career for the time being yesterday.  I have two exams, graduation, and I'm done.  I successfully met no one on my new campus, so therefore leaving won't hurt too much, because there won't be anyone to miss.  It might sound kind of pathetic, but based on my past experience friendship doesn't last with me for whatever reason.  Yes, I missed out on a lot in both high school and college, but there wasn't much I could do.  Happy it's over and done, and I can move on, hopefully get a good job or advance in one of the two I've gotten recently (I got the second job mentioned in one of my previous blogs).  I did miss out however on all of the social stresses that come with friendships.  The arguments, potential fist fights, the cheating girlfriends, the stolen girlfriends, the backstabbing assholes I dealt with on my first campus and all the other bullshit that comes along with friendship wasn't present either which was kind of nice.  Long story short, I fucking hate people.  I just hope my brothers work out better for my mom, who are now 5 and 7.  She was just expecting me to do a lot more and actually operate like a normal college and highschool student.  Nothing I could do however.  I'm graduating, and I'll in all likelihood never see any of my former classmates (most of which I wouldn't recognize anyway because I completely avoid all of them) again, not that they give a shit anyway so it works out.  

Spring Break

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Job Orientation tomorrow!

Finally going back to work after about 4 months.  I was enjoying my mini retirement so to speak, but savings only last so long, and it's good to be back to work.  Can't say much else on the matter really.  The orientation is tomorrow, and I'll get my schedule for I'm assuming the first two weeks.  I'm pretty excited.  Yeah theres that old saying work sucks but I'm just grateful to have a job again.  I was going a little stir crazy.  

3... fucking... years...

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About to check out

I'm about to check out of my hotel.  This trip was definitely worth it.  It was a 3 hour drive, but I was able to briefly meet my favorite author, get a couple books signed, and have a question answered (what can I say, I'm a fucking nerd :)).  Navigating this town is a pain in the ass however, as I mentioned earlier.  I had no trouble on the highway, but as soon as I got off, none of the roads were marked, and I struggled to find the hotel.  The city I'm in is actually the setting of the book however, so this kind of added to the feel of the signing.  I tried one of the characters favorite coffee, which I didn't love, but I figured I'm here in the city, I might as well delve in as much as I can.  Navigating at night was worse however.  I'm not concerned about finding the highway though for the trip back, so it should be smooth sailing from there.  Great trip!


Favorite Authors Signing

Just got back to my hotel from my favorite authors signing.  It was worth the 3 hour drive.  :)  Got a couple books signed, as well as my ticket, bought a couple other non-fiction books, and got a question answered.  I will say however, that navigating this fucking town is not the easiest task of all time.  The highway was no problem.  As soon as I got off the highway however, I had to turn around probably a total of 6 times to find the hotel, the book store, and then my hotel again.  Still worth it.  :)  

Finally found another job!

Found another job yesterday.  As much as I was enjoying my vacation so to speak I'm happy to be employed again.  I'm going in for a drug test tomorrow (which I'm not worried about passing because I won't touch anything illegal), and I'll probably be starting in a couple weeks or so.  It takes some time for the drug tests to come back.  This particular assistant opted to look past my nerves during the interview because he didn't want to pass someone up with three years in retail and someone who got into a very selective school, so he's starting me as a cashier and a chance to move onto the sales floor as I prove my worth.  Can't complain.  I'm starting at square one, but I'd rather do that than deal with another fucking cell phone idiot.  

The Undead pool comes out in a couple days by Kim Harrison.  I'm reeeally looking forward to this one.  I've already pre-ordered the e-book, and seeing as she's touring relatively close to my home town, I'm planning on going to a signing in a couple days. I just need to get the hotel situation figured out, like ASAP because I'm kind of at crunch time now.  

Not much else to report at the moment...

Moving along now

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Classes Starting up again... for the last time... for now

I begin my last semester of college tuesday.  About fucking time.  I've been at it for 7 years now for a bachelors.  ::cough:: Tommy Boy ::cough::  Not much else to say there.  Happy to finally be done.  

Got a fucking headache tonight.  I don't know why I bothered to begin a blog with a headache a little to comment on.  

Happy New Year!

Another year.  Seems like they're going by quicker nowadays.  Spent this new year alone again.  Not sure if that's bad or not but I suppose it's one of those preference things.  Didn't feel like going to my sisters house to listen to her and her boyfriend scream at each other in a drunken fit, so I passed on that.  Not to mention one of their shit head friends.  Didn't feel like going to my cousins either based on a sympathy invite, seeing as a normal person my age is out with friends or at least at a house with friends.  I don't know.  Don't care at this point.  But I did bring in the new year with a shot of jager and a shot of fireball, which I've discovered are delicious shots.  Alcohol my only friend.  :)

Just turned 25.  And I have very little to say for it at this point.  Those normal things seem out of reach still.  I'm going to be graduating in about 6 months now.  Luckily I'll probably never have kids to tell about how I did pretty much nothing in high school and college.  

Black Friday

Went out again this year for black friday shopping.  Got all my christmas shopping done, but I'm fucking exhausted.  Missed most of the peak hours on purpose to avoid the idiots fighting over tvs and toasters, and was successful in doing so.  Got some good deals, as well as some new shirts for myself.  Hot topic sells shirts for about 10 bucks a piece for black friday, so I usually grab a couple while I'm at the mall.  Made out pretty well this year.  Avoided all women my age while at the mall, which was surprisingly difficult because they were everywhere. Had to do a lot of lane switches so to speak going down the aisles.  

Jobless at the moment, but I'm kind of enjoying my mini vacation.  Hopefully I'll be working again here soon, because savings only last so long.  Good thing dating waved bye bye to me a long time ago, so I don't have some psycho bitch breathing down my neck about being unemployed.  

Going to bed.  Running on about 3 hours of sleep right now.  Up all night last night, and had a long nap this afternoon, but it wasn't enough.  I'm past the point where caffeine does anything for me.  

Another reason why I don't get attached to people

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It's been awhile again

It's been awhile yet again.  Busy busy busy pretty much defines me right now.  That aside my nose is running like a fucking faucet.  I've drenched a number of tissues today, and it's making me crazy (tmi sorry).  

Got some stupid bitch that I think is engaged to a marine eyeballing me in one of my classes.  I don't like this.  I feel like she just feels like watching her boyfriend beat a scrawny nerds ass is what it looks like.  People suck.  

Classes are going.  I'm 5 classes away from graduation as of now, including the ones I'm taking.  About fucking time Tommy Boy (this will be my seventh year in college).  

Bought GTA 5.  This game is beyond amazing.  I'm amazed at how far they came from just GTA 4, not to mention the originals.  Pretty amazing game play, and the three character system is not a pain in the ass like I thought it might be.  Graphics haven't improved much, but the game still looks great.  The most notable improvement is the water, as well as the jet skis which I've been looking forward to since GTA vice city.  Can't say much more than that, except Trevor is a fucking lunatic that I would bash open if ever associated with him.  The guy is an asshole, and a lunatic to top it off, and needs a serious attitude adjustment in my opinion.  

Not much else to say at the moment.  

1-20 of 186 Blogs   

Previous Posts
Job interview... rejection, posted October 10th, 2014
First Refereed Hockey Game in over a decade, posted September 23rd, 2014
A Visit at work from an old *******..., posted September 4th, 2014
Guardians of the Galaxy, posted August 5th, 2014
Car brakes, 630 bucks... ugh, posted July 30th, 2014
Won't be going to any bars again any time soon, posted June 28th, 2014
Haven't been blogging much, posted June 19th, 2014
College Years Wrapping Up, posted May 2nd, 2014
Spring Break, posted March 23rd, 2014
Job Orientation tomorrow!, posted March 14th, 2014
3... *******... years..., posted March 1st, 2014
About to check out, posted February 27th, 2014
Favorite Authors Signing, posted February 26th, 2014
Finally found another job!, posted February 23rd, 2014
Moving along now, posted February 10th, 2014, 1 comment
Classes Starting up again... for the last time... for now, posted January 12th, 2014
Happy New Year!, posted December 31st, 2013
Black Friday, posted November 29th, 2013
Another reason why I don't get attached to people, posted November 5th, 2013
It's been awhile again, posted October 11th, 2013
alcohol my only friend again, posted September 2nd, 2013
School back in session, posted August 28th, 2013
Been awhile, posted August 16th, 2013
More Dating Pressure, posted July 15th, 2013
Aliens and whether or not they exist/are working with our government, posted July 13th, 2013
Talk about an interesting night at work, posted July 2nd, 2013
Summer Dragging On, posted June 15th, 2013
Summer is officially here, posted May 11th, 2013
Class is over, posted May 4th, 2013
Bad *** 5-stringer-dinger, posted April 22nd, 2013
To the union who went on strike and caused Hostess to fall..., posted April 22nd, 2013
The Perks of Being a Wallflower, posted April 12th, 2013
Alcohol my only friend :), posted April 10th, 2013
Evil Dead and Transmission issues, posted April 6th, 2013
Not much happening, posted March 19th, 2013
It's Officially been 2 years now and shes still here, posted February 27th, 2013
What the **** did I think was going to happen?, posted February 15th, 2013
About to call her... freaking the **** out..., posted February 12th, 2013
Holy **** impossibility becoming not so impossible, posted February 10th, 2013
not going out, posted February 9th, 2013
More of the same again, posted February 8th, 2013
More of the same ****... with a twist, posted January 30th, 2013
Snow... and bad roads, posted January 25th, 2013
Cold... really cold, posted January 23rd, 2013
******* prepaid phones, posted January 13th, 2013
Not sure how I'm supposed to be feeling right now, posted January 10th, 2013
Car Troubles, posted January 3rd, 2013
New Years, posted January 2nd, 2013
Flat Tire :P, posted December 29th, 2012
Snow!, posted December 21st, 2012
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